1 f Jef, 50 Shades

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS....

YOU CAN EITHER MAKE LEMONADE OR.....

SQUIRT THEM IN PEOPLES EYES...

You can pick your poison........drink it or squirt it.   Choose not to participate or share by giving it to others, close your eyes and ignore, or open them and see what is before you.  I write this because I have ventured into unknown territory...........a territory some of you will not like.  Some of you will....but others will be disgusted.  Some of you will take to bed tonight your vivid imaginations running wild.............

There is nothing greater than seeing a human body buff, toned, and tan.  It doesn't have to be totally naked.  In fact, having little clothing on sparks imagination......makes you wonder what you would find if you could peel away the layers.  1 f Jef, you have sparked the imagination.   Someone recently posted....."there is nothing hotter than Jef Holm shirtless on vine".  Amen to that sista......Actually, he's hot period without a shirt, with or without  motion.  Just standing there, in next to nothing, leaves one a bit breathless and wiping away salty drops of sweat...........and then realizing your mouth has been wide open all this time catching flies............ 

1 f Jef,  amused us this week with all of his posts.......1 f Jef, thank you, thank you, thank you..........not just for me, but for all the zillion females out there.  It doesn't matter what you post, what you say, or what you do, you send shivers of excitement down our spines..........Your friends are pretty nice to gaze at also.   It has been a nice week of media from you.  You can ride a uni-cycle.  Now step it up.....can you juggle, too , while riding the uni-cycle?  Just sayin, it would be kind of fun to see you do that.  Or......pat your head, and rub your belly......oh, yes....but shirtless, please..... The sound of your laugh is what we like to hear.  And, see a smile on your face.  You bring smiles to our faces, and happy to our hearts...........You dive.....of course you do!  A perfect 10?  Nope, but that's okay.  You were shirtless.....that was a perfect 10.   Keep it up, tootsie.......we are lovin' it..........

I have spent some time chatting with several people, some of 1 f Jefs' loyal fans, who have brilliant ideas on how to keep him up close, and in our faces. After going to bed from a nights session with one nice and brillantly descriptive person, my mind wouldn't shut off, and it was obvious that her mind wouldn't shut off either.  I'm enjoying my coffee the next morning, reading the previous nights tweets, looking at IG's and Vines, basically catching up on nonsense, when I get a rash of DM's from this person.   I open the DM box, read a few lines, take a sip of coffee, savor it in my mouth.......NOT.......I had to spit it out.  I am laughing my ass off.  This lady is hilarious.  She was on a roll.  We had spent some time "chatting" about 1 f Jef the previous night laughing and reminiscing....During the night.... her imagination runneth over............

It was thrown out to me to write a screenplay for a movie on 1 f Jef.  I could, but it would definitely be classified as soft porn I'm afraid.  What I  will do is share what was conjured up from inside the brain of this lady. Just a couple of them.  There were a lot.   First, this is way out of the norm for her.  She's reserved in real life.  She's let the inner child in her come out and play with me.  I'm proud of ya, girl!  

WARNING

SOME CONTENT BELOW MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE AN OPEN MIND, OR CAN'T OPEN YOUR MIND

THEN DON'T READ ANY FURTHER......

Once in awhile, it's okay to let loose, be free, and crazy for just a brief moment................here's your chance to do just that................

Imagine what life would be like if we could have 1 f Jef on Primetime TV, our version of Primetime Playgirl, or a big screen movie.......here are several lively examples that she shared with me. 

TBS - Instead of the hit Big Bang Theory - it would be "Bangin Him Big Time" theory.  Explore the molecular fibers of mountains, peaks, and valleys of 1 f Jefs, celestial body........gimme, gimme, gimme............

Food Network - "The Best Thing I've Ever Eaten", His lips (and his body, too).  Sit back and listen how the kisses that he gives "from his luscious, meaty, smooth, soft and delicate outline with a hint of color, slightly moist, will make you pucker up like a lemon, lips".   Ripe and ready for the "tongue" action he is so fond of sharing on pics.........(1 f Jef, this is the tongue action your ladies are waiting for).......it's kind of obvious.......you are, too. (There really is a show called 'The Best Thing I've Ever Eaten"...too funny).......

TVLand - this would have to be shown after the kiddies and some closed minded adults hit the pillows for the night........"NCIS..No.Clothes.In.Site...working not undercover, but under THE covers, solving a mystery, and of course having that climatic finish".  This show will leave you breathless and waiting for the next episode.........DVR's will be in overdrive, replay and rewind will be in hot demand..........cold shower, anyone?  Is it time for me to let your mind pass on by as it travels down the gutter?

Big Screen - Brokeback Mountain- "How I broke my back riding 1 f Jef"...........save a horse, ride 1 f Jef..........giddyup cowboy......boots, chaps, and nothing else but a hat on his head.........take that imagine to bed, or the hay barn, with you one night and see how vivid your dreams get.

If you made it this far, you were warned about the content.  It's meant to be humorous, silly, and taken with a grain of salt.   1 f Jef has a good sense of humor and if he reads this I hope he laughs out loud.  I am still being nice writing about 1 f Jef. I can't say enough good things about him.  I know many of you are laughing and also holding your head in your hands this very second because you are embarrassed to admit you read the whole thing.....compared to what is out there, this ain't nothin'....worse things have been written about 1 f Jef from other people.  For me, this is cotton candy compared to some of the "rotten shit" that has been printed........I won't apologize for writing this.  It was done with good intentions to have some fun.  It was done at 1 f Jefs expense, but like I said, I think he can handle it.  He knows what he does to the female population.  More than likely, I won't do this again.......

Laughing is good for the soul, just as crying is good for cleansing the soul.   If you are disgusted reading this, then maybe you need to loosen up a bit.  No one is going to judge you for reading some questionable writings.......open you mind.  Accept what you just read as rambling thoughts from a couple of crazy ladies who were having some fun, sharing some gut wretching laughs, at 1 f Jefs expense, (sorry, not sorry 1 f  Jef)  and letting the inner children out to play.  No one is going to judge you, but you yourself...........it's okay to be wild and free, even if it's just for a brief moment.   This is mild compared to 50 Shades of Grey.......put 1 f Jef in Christians role.................and you in the others...........now let your imagination run away...........go for it......sweet dreams my lovelies.  Dream big tonight...............

Now then, Brooks Forester.........move over 1 f Jef, there's a new guy in the neighborhood.  You may spin pillows, he spins basketballs.  I'm liking this guy more and more. I'm also a little biased, too.  He's another homeboy............I like seeing him with Des.  I like seeing him with Des a lot!!!  I'm buying a dozen wands, and a boat load of fairy dust..........Fairytale ending?  Hmmmmmmmm, let the sprinkling begin..........I will be sharing space in my heart for Brooks Forester.  Have no fear, 1 f Jef, you still keep my heart pounding........ 

twitter@CotySimon..................