1 f Jef - Focus, Focus, Focus...

Sunsets, wine, warm sand, ocean breezes, frolicking in the ocean........what's missing?  Besides me not being in this picture, not a damn thing is missing.  I promised myself that I would take my mind away from all the drama, bullshit, and everyday problems of life and put myself in a happy place on a daily basis.  After seeing life start to pass me by and looking at life through those of a childs',  I cannot afford to waste any of the precious seconds available to me.  I am getting older.  I am getting wiser to the ways of the world.  I am getting to a point in my life that surrounding myself with the simple things, like the air I breath, Mother Natures canvas of art, family, and friends, that is just about all I need to continue to exist in this world.  The only material things I need are my camera to capture the visions of what the world has to offer. And to help me remember what I've seen once the gray matter turns to mush.  There isn't a day that goes by, that the pictures I see on the outside are the same.  Life is never the same.  It changes by the second......my words of advice, capture and keep the most precious moments of your life close to your heart, in your mind and your soul. Share what you learn.  Pay it forward. Don't mock people because of who they are or what they have wrong with them.  It's likely they are thinking the same about you.  If you glow on the inside, you shine on the outside.  I'm drawn to people that shine and for lack of a better word that has been over used  lately..........SPARKLE......you are my glitter in life, that piece that seems to be stuck on me and cannot be picked off.

Emily Maynard will always take center stage in my heart and I'm learning to let go.  Letting go of the reality that the happy ending that I want, is not meant to be. I'm  not seeing the end of single life for 1 f Jef with KB though.  His heart is still with his "everything".  KB is not that.  She may be his
 "something", but not his "everything".  Only one person, in my eyes, will be his "everything".  All other 1 f Jef wanna be' girlfriends, will never be his "everything".  Ems' mold was broken, too.

Just like weeds growing in a garden, another love interest has sprouted up from the earth.  Golly gee, we leave one relationship over a weekend, and by the next weekend, BAM!, we've got ourself a new love. I'm on pins and needles now waiting for next weekend to come.  Will 1 F Jef have another new love dangling from his heart strings?  Or will he hit "repeat" and start all over again?  Any relationship he dives into is doomed.  It will never be what it needs to be, a relationship because there won't be one.  Or if  there is, then it's pretty much one sided as far as deep feelings go.  The media will not let him go.  He's tied himself up in silly string pretty tight.  The only release he will get, is from focusing on what really is important......, growing up, acting like a founder of a new thriving company, and letting the rest of his life fall into place naturally.  Sound advice? I think so. Does that mean I will not follow 1 f Jef anymore? Nope, not at all.  I'm still 100% in favor of whatever falls into his lap.  Whether it be good or bad.  Yes, damage was done in watching the Bachelor/ette.   1 f Jef did damage us all.  We wanted that happy ending and we did not get it.  So we've become angry, bitter, and sad...and we've lost our focus, too..............

I have a love hate relationship with the social media that is now available.  Sometimes I learn so much that it's overwhelming, it plays mind games with me, that I have to try and figure it all out. It really boils down to, not believing everything I hear and certainly not believing everything I read, too.  Learning to trust my own instincts didn't happen over night, but overnight I did let it disappear a bit into oblivion.  Today, is a new day.  Today I have a new attitude.  A new outlook on 1 f Jef, Em, KB and the new flavor of the week!....

My 1 f Jef-a-holicism will take a long time to cure, if ever.  I'm thinking about opening up a special treatment facility, where all the 1 f Jef addicts could congregate and seek treatment.  Treatment would be constantly viewing the subject matter on big screen tv's, eating copious amounts of popcorn, possibly throwing it at the screen, partaking of a beverage of choice (this is not an alcohol treatment center), venting our anger, and then laughing so uncontrollably that we pee our pants. Bring your own adult sized nappy's.   Curability rate will depend on how severe your addiction to 1 f Jef is.  I will always have some kind of tremor showing when his name pops up, or he prances across a screen.  It's hard to give up something you enjoy.  Willpower is not an easy thing to have when you crave something so deliciously sweet....My human being will be cured of 1 f Jef.  As for me, Sarah, the inner child,  I will never be cured....

I am getting off the real reason me, Sarah the inner child, started this blog.  I started it to help express my fondness for 1 f Jef, and the love story that was being created.  I seem to have ventured off the track.  No matter who 1 f Jef ends up with, the decision is his totally alone (well, maybe a little influence from the family also).   I don't particular care for smack talk.  But, I confess that I have been guilty of listening to it and telling it.  You may not like the company he keeps, but don't lose site of the person he is. He does have youth on his side and does sometimes act a bit childish.  But...we all do that at some point in our life, too.  He is human after all..and he is a good piece of human flesh to look at.. I'm trying to not lose my focus of 1 f Jef and let the people out there that think he is the root of all evil influence me in thinking he is the cause of all wrong doing.  Just like dancing, it takes two to make the steps work.  If one trips, the other most likely will fall, too.   What I write comes from my heart.  What I feel comes from my soul.  Each time your heart beats, its a hug from me.  I share my thoughts about 1 f Jef because there is really no one else like him.  He's infected me with such a virus that it's impossible to be treated for it.  As long as he lives, breathes, and walks upon this earth, he will always be front and center.  I just have one request for 1 f Jef. Be careful on what you post.  Be careful on who you choose to live your happily ever after with.  Never let out of your sight, the real reason you are front and center in our lives.  People Water is how I found you.  Not the Bachelorette.  I want to see more of your involvement in People Water and less of your personal life.   The Bachelorette is my bonus as I can view you anytime, anywhere, all in the comfort of my pj's if I want.  I have #tf who still feel like I do.  We want nothing but the best from our blue eye'd boy and for our blue eye'd boy.  Who else do you know that can mesmerize you with his voice, and hypnotize you with his eyes, all at once?  I can't think of anybody else...............1 f Jef.........stay focused on People Water.  The rest of your life will fall into place.

Thanks for following me on twitter.  I love chatting with you all.  Making new friends is what life is all about.  Be happy, always.  Let your inner child out to play.  Do something out of the ordinary if you are living an ordinary life.  Most importantly, just live................I've enjoyed a 3 month hiatus from my job and it's now come to an end and I've been summoned back to work.  The blog of my inner child will be posted (hopefully) on Mondays now for the next little while.  As long as 1 f Jef keeps filling up my inner childs brain, she will continue to post.

I have no comments for Sean and his final choices.  This is where I pay attention, keep my thoughts to myself, and enjoy the remainder of his season.  I know who I am pulling for.......

@CotySimon

1 f Jef, Foolish Feelings

I've spent the last 10 days seeing life through the eyes of children,  two sets of parents, a grandmother, one of my best friends, and my own two eyes.  The children really opened my eyes to a world of innocence and love.  Seeing life this way made me realize time is short, time is not on my side and that I shouldn't  take it for granted. I need another vacation to recoup from the one I just got back from....I now know what exhaustion feels like......it was worth it.  This was a mind cleanse.  Rid the brain of  the old and stale.  Start filling it back up again with new memories.  It's fun to have an inner child that loves to come out and play. And what better place to get lost in is at Disneyland....and then cleanse my soul and free my mind of clutter than by being on a beach, smelling the salty air and taking photos of some of the most beautiful sunsets I've seen in a long time.........

I talk to myself and I don't feel bad talking to myself because I'm actually holding conversations with my inner child. She has some answers to questions and thoughts that often plague me with doubt.  I'm learning to trust her, my inner soul.  So far, so good.........as long as I don't answer myself, I'm not crazy.....or am I?

Sarah, my dear inner child, sometimes wishes, for a brief moment or two, that she was younger, prettier, and not so married.  The not-so-married part is when 1 f Jef comes in to the picture.  I would have loved to be the Valentine date this year.  I'm pretty sure I am not the only one who wished the same thing.  Twitter was alive with wanna be's........except for the ones that are totally blaming 1 f Jef for the Jemily breakup.  I have to admit that this was a good piece of marketing strategy on People Waters part.  It worked as it funded several mechanics to fix wells where they are needed.  Do whatever it takes to promote the good.  I really want the girl who won the date to spill the beans a bit though.  I'm sure 1 f Jef was or will be (has he done the date yet?) a gentleman, as he always is.  Well the gentleman that my mind thinks he is anyway.  Again, doubt is trying to creep into my gray matter.

Monday nights sesh with the Bachelor is driving me real close to the nearest alcohol rehab center. That is if drinking a glass, although brimming, with fermented grape juice constitutes me being an alcoholic, then so be it.  The popcorn that gets popped prior to the show, Charlie the dog is getting fat from eating what I throw at the screen.  I've been doing that a lot lately, throwing the popcorn.  I thought I had Seans season figured out, and I am still on track I do believe, that it's immaturity on all levels of the playing field.  The girls are young, too young I think for this show.  I still feel they are fresh out of high school.  Sean is young, good looking, but also a bit boring, and it's not his fault.  Chris Harrison is also boring.  Too serious and he appears to be bored also.......the live tweeting from everyone was boring.    Even 1 f Jef was boring.  No fun, no pizzaz. It would be nice if he would interact more with his fans on Twitter. But, then there are the stupid people that take it upon themselves to post something stupid and lame, after he tweets his comments.  So, on the other hand, I don't blame him for not interacting more.  But, he could, if he wanted to.   Arie Jr, didn't have much to say.  Apparently, everyone fell asleep during last nights viewing.........my inner child was even quiet last night, until it was almost over then she became overwhelmed with the crazies that she begged to be let out and so I did...........

What I need now moving forward is more hot and steaming.  Overnighters are here.  At least with 1 f and Em, I knew what they were thinking by the look on their faces......priceless......and damn, too bad "role model" came into play.   My inner child will not keep quiet on Tuesday nights sesh with Sean.  I just hope it's got a bit more stamina to it or I am going to lose it.   I am not impressed at all this season with Sean.  Love the guy, but not the show so far, except for when Catherine comes into view.  She's my personal favorite.  She has that gleam in her eye that tells me she has a little devil riding on her shoulder from time to time that likes to come out and play.  Nothing more needs to be said.  I'd almost go for watching Bentley all over again on Ashleys season.  At least he was entertaining, even though I wanted to kill the SOB.............

While I await Tuesdays date with Sean.........1 f Jef still is heavy on my mind. I don't like the fact that Katianna is back into the scene, but it seems that when 1 f Jefs friend, TR Gourley is around, so is Katianna Bear......Are they joined at the hip?  Where one goes, the other follows too?  Oh, well.  Mistakes are made, and mistakes are corrected.  1 f Jef, come to the party dude, and make up your mind.  Are you with her? Or not?  I still care, but self respect on your part is leaning a bit and might be toppling over....I know you don't have anything to prove to anyone other than what a marvelous company you have.  One of my favorite country songs has a line in it, "these foolish feelings are still fooling me"......fool me once, but not twice.  You won't like the results.  So quit pussy footin' around and let the cat out of the bag and tell us...........for real........is she your main squeeze or not?  If I knew, then maybe I could move onward and upwards, instead of taking a downhill slide every week when the shit hits the fan from the presses.  Why do I care?  1 f Jef really is none of my business, but he's become my business and everyone elses, when he signed on the dotted line as a contestant on the Bachelorette.  Bonus for us he came out the the fiancee  of what I thought was a beautiful love story, a romance novel in the works, a happily ever after love story.........My thoughts are a bit cloudy it seems lately.  I'm hoping for some clarity at some point.  One thing for sure, I still need to follow my heart, my soul, and my gut instinct.  Prove me wrong 1 f Jef.  Prove me wrong that you still don't have the feelings, the "you are my everything", about Emily.  I don't see that kind of attachment with anyone else.  Whomever that someone else might be if not Em, has some pretty elegant shoes to fill.  No one in my book will never have the same chemistry that radiated out of the TV screen as you two had.  Never, ever...........and the best home date.......ever!!!

I can get on with my life now until next Monday. I've decided that I am not a gumball machine filled with pretty words.  I cannot put a quarter in me and expect pleasantries to drop out on a whim.  But if I try hard enough, I can replace those negative, awful tasting words, with something sugary, sweet and colorful.  I will try to do just that.   I'm better than that.  I don't like talking trash about people and I've given in to the sins of trash talk.  Forgive me Sean, for I have sinned...........just perk the rest of the season up a bit, okay?  I'd love to have a cheshire cat grin on my face.......and I hope tonight is worth watching.  Popcorn....check.....Charlie the Dog.....check, check........I'll nurse one glass of good grape juice, color to be determined.....check, check.....and check.......and hopefully some good twitter therapy.....check, check, check, and check.

1 f Jef, Eyes Wide Shut, pt 2

Before you begin this long read, grab a snack or two, and something to drink.  Something alcoholic is an option.  You may want to potty first, also.   This is a long one.  Sit back, fasten your seat belts, and hold on for the ride........

I'm a bit slow it seems.  It's taken me, what now, 4 or 5 weeks to finally figure out why I can't get into  Sean Lowes season......it's sooooooooooooo obvious.  It's all the woman, well not all.  I feel like I am watching the playground of a grown up nursery school.  These woman are so not their stated ages.  We have Tierra, the 2 year old, a few 3 years olds, and some 5 year olds.  They all have one thing in common.........they still suck their thumbs, cry on demand, and they still wear a nappy to bed at night.  (Not all of the little ladies fall into this category though. I DO have my favs that I am watching out for).  I have to admit, it's getting better and better to watch as Sean ventures to new places.  I could definitely fall in love in Montana.  Gorgeous being Sean, and breathtaking being Montana.  Two for the price of one.  Bonus!!!!  I'm hoping we are getting down to the nitty gritty juicy stuff.  I want so bad to see more of the grown ups come out and play with Seans heart strings, swim suit strings (oops).  Let's get on with the party. Let the string pullin' begin.......

Not going to comment on either episodes of The Bachelor this time.  I'm holding on to my thoughts as the babes are filtered out and the good ones are left and the real fun begins.... Okay...I can't keep quiet on last nights episode...the word "heartburn" describes how I felt.  If I could have reached through the TV screen and punched Tierra's lights out, I would have.  No amount of wine could have dulled my senses with her.  Please, I am asking for a miracle that Sean comes to his senses..Tonight, it's Tums, wine, and popcorn.  At least if I have to throw something at the TV while watching Tierra, the popcorn won't damage the screen and Charlie the dog will get her treats.  Was very sad to see Robin go...I  liked her and her personality. And Jackie, I'm pretty sure the wrong girl went home on this date.  Anyone ready for a therapy session tonight?

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I want to introduce myself to you.  My name is Sarah and I am a 1 f Jefaholic.  This is my story, and I am sticking to it........                 

I've been pulled into so many directions this past week.  I've had some great conversations with many people.  They've let me into their minds and opened my eyes a bit since I have been living with my eyes wide shut.  I'm still a 1 f Jef fan, and always will be.  But, I can also say that whichever path he chooses to follow, that will be on his shoulders.  You choose your own destiny. So why not let 1 f Jef choose his?  He's a big boy, with a huge heart, and probably has more soul to go around than any of us can imagine.  We, and I am including myself, want to be cynical at times, think the worst, but never hope for the best.  We all make choices in this life.  Some good and some bad. And since 1 f Jef has become the center of our attention, we seem to be focusing on what he should do, rather than let him make his own mistakes, which he has, but also learn from his mistakes, which he is doing.

My eyes have opened up.  Shadows of doubt have tried to penetrate my heart.  It didn't work. I'm talking about...did he really break up with the flavor of the week,  the one some don't like, or is he really playing us for fools, seeing her still, and ignoring the one that matters the most.  My heart is still pumping full in all four chambers.  Still care about the kid.   I do care about Emily Maynard, too.  How can we expect either Emily or Jef to move on with or without each other?  We're all in their faces telling them to get back together.  I want them back together, you want them back together.  But do they want to get back together?  I still say time will tell........color me all sorts of stupid with your crayons.  I'll use my colored markers, draw me a magic wand, and wave it all about and spread some fairy dust around, after I draw the fairy dust of course.....

I've been told a lot of stuff.  Some good, some bad.  All of it though, are opinions that were  formed and told to me.  Nothing concrete at all that I can go and look for myself.  Nothing that I am willing to put down on paper or in this case, type on a screen.   Pictures don't lie and I have yet to see anything along that line that tells me he's playing us for fools.  If he is moving on with his life, then don't you think we should let him?  I am still believing in the fairytale ending with it saying "and they lived happily ever after."..........

I love looking at pictures.  Pictures of 1 f Jef.  I admit it, I am a Jefaholic.  And lately, we've been blessed with a few pics of him.  If you haven't seen the latest pics, let your fingers do some walking across the internet.  Pinterest is a FABULOUS place to waltz across the keyboard.  I have a personal portfolio going now.......Great pics of 1 f and Emily.....and solo shots of the man himself.  I am so blessed to know that I am not the only crazy out there with this obsession...I love you peepers!  1 f Jef, you can contribute a few more pic. s  Just sayin'....

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Don't read too much and don't think too much in what I write about.  I really do love the Bach/ette.  Some seasons more than others take a bit longer to warm my inner soul and this latest season is one of them.  It  does make for good TV watching when we need to park our brains at the door of life and just have fun. 1 f Jef is my fun and my flavor of the week (and hours, days, months)....and Sean Lowe, I'm giving you a place in my heart, too............

I'm headed away from the cold and snow to warm sand, ocean breezes, palm trees, and fruity drinks with umbrellas, and Mickey Mouse.  Have camera, and IPad, will travel.  I am road trippin' to sunny California come Friday.  My home, away from home.......no blog for 2 weeks..but I can still tweet!